Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
