so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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