I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
