I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize
