we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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