Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
