We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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