I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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