I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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