Who wears a wallet chain?!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
