I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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