I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
