very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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