please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
