im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Shame - the story of my life.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
