i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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