You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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