When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
