my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
