he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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