During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
