I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
