Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
