I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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