Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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