when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
