So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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