Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
