You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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