They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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