i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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