she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize