Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
