i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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