are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize