the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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