Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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