Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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