I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So apparently I’m into choking now
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