The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
