I got chris browned last night
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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