so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
