just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
