but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
