Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
