wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
