What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
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Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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