she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
50% drunk capacity currently
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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