this beer tastes like vomit already
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
