this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
