Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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