I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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