Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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