i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
