Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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