he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Randomize
