I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
