I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
