she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
