I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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