My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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