i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
