dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
