and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
