I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
