and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
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We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
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There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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