WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
