OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I need help removing her.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
