so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
