Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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