I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
