your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
