Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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