Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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