I'm so fucking centered right now
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
