I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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