I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
and you fell through a lawn chair
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
