Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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