you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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