:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
