Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
