Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
