i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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