I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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