Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
